I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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