i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
