Where is the hickey?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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