Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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