i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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