5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
we're so committed to being not committed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
