And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
