Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize