Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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