My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
