you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
