i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize