is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
