Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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