am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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