Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
