I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
