I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I currently don't understand fingers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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