The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm passing your future prison.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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