did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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