get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
