Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
