I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
