My hand turned me down
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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