And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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