i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
