Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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