Plan B is the new Plan A
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
