I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she told me i tasted like america
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize