Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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