I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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