I skipped work to stalk him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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