i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize