I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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