the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
