I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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