do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
