just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
