Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
