Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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