Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
