if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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