Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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