Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love having hate sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
