just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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