Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
