I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
