Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
