I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
