Porn is love you can see.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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