we need to drink 2009 down the drain
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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