Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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