I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
