somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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