Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
