i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
