Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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