Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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