he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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