Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
