its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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