Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
