your thong is hanging out like whoa
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
