Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
from now on my penis is your penis
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We left an ass print on the piano.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
