Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
