just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
