I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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