Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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