Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
