ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
