Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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