1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
