I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
