I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
