I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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