White coat. Heels.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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