So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
